On January 22, 2023âthe first day of the Chinese Lunar New YearâI met him in the vast, snow-white world of Killesberg Park. It was our first encounter. He brought small gifts and held a beginnerâs Chinese language book in his hands. That simple gesture instantly left a beautiful first impression. Walking together through the white snow felt incredibly romantic đš.
At that time, I was pushing myself to meet people as part of my plan to leave single life behind. Over a short few weeks, I met several men. Each conversation felt more like a job interviewâI was the HR, and the men were candidates. Compared to the others, he stood out as sincere, well-mannered, and genuine.
Our first stop was Wichtel, where we had afternoon tea âď¸. He honestly shared his situation: divorced, with a child, and deeply affected by the pain of that experience. He had taken a year off work to go hiking, challenge his limits, and heal. Listening to him, I felt a deep sense of compassion. I believed he was someone who valued emotions and loyalty.
When he asked about my relationship history, I didnât know how to respond. I had never been in a relationship beforeâmy emotional life was a blank page. He said he still felt young and healthy and hoped to find a good partner, remarry, and have children. Those words resonated deeply with my own desire to find someone.
Our first date lasted six hours, from afternoon tea all the way to dinner at Amani. The time felt full and meaningful. He was a true gentlemanâon the way home, he carried my bag. It felt special.
The next day, he proactively wrote to me âď¸ and confessed that he had lied about his age at our first meeting. That prompted me to search for information about him online. I am usually very cautious about people whose background I cannot verifyâI fear putting myself in danger.
When I discovered his real age, I was shocked. There was an 18-year age gap. I immediately felt hesitant to continue. Yet after watching videos and reading more about him, I couldnât deny that his looks and temperamentâespecially when he was youngerâwere exactly my type. His continued initiative made me decide to simply enjoy the beauty of dating for a while.
He was truly attentive. When I casually mentioned that I sometimes played badminton, he immediately invited me to play. On our second date, he wore sportswear but still carried a scholarly elegance. After badminton, we walked into an Italian restaurant. Fate seemed to create the perfect atmosphereâthe entire restaurant had only the two of us, as if it were reserved just for us.
He wore a blue knitted sweater, full of charm and intellectual grace. Listening to him describe his vision of future life, I felt a warmth I hadnât felt in a long time. My trust in him grew deeply.
The next day, I received a package downstairs đŚâa handwritten letter đ and a customized lamb plush đ with my name on it. I felt incredibly happy. This was exactly the kind of romance I had longed for.
A week later, another package arrivedâa beautifully customized bouquet đ. I realized how much I cherished receiving flowers. My heart completely melted. The flowers filled my home with warmth and hope, lifting my spirits during a time when my stock market investments were at their lowest, nearly wiped out đ°.
Looking back, it was his handwritten cards and those thoughtful packages that truly moved me. They made me believe love was beautiful, that he was my destinyâappearing romantically after 34 years of waiting.
When we met at a museum and he gently pinned me against the wall, I felt shy đł yet deeply moved đâexcited, nervous, and tender all at once.
At one point, a typo in his message made me misunderstand him as being involved with drugsâan absolute boundary for me. I immediately decided to cut contact, even though he had already invited me to a stylish restaurant called Cube in the city center. His reply showed how deeply hurt he was.
After clarifying the misunderstanding, I felt immense guilt. I kept texting him, explaining myself. I can endure being hurt, but I am terrified of hurting others. I booked the table at Cube, hoping he would show up in the formal outfit I loved.
In the end, my sincerity moved him, and he came. I was overjoyedâit felt like regaining something precious.
When I expressed anxiety about our age difference, he playfully dragged me to strangers on the street and asked them to guess our age gap. He had a childlike mischief. Yet over time, I also sensed his impatience.
Our first breakup was initiated by him. I was grieving the loss of a close friend at the time and failed to respond promptly to his emotional needs. He misunderstood me and showed little patience. After a fierce argument, I left alone late at night to find a hotel. I was afraid, yet proudâI had to leave. Luck stayed with me, and I found a safe place to rest.
The next morning, I saw him in the hotel lobby. He ran after me, apologizing repeatedly, walking me all the way to the train station. He said that even if we couldnât be lovers, he loved children and wanted another baby. Knowing how much I wanted a child too, he suggested co-parenting.
Because I loved him, the idea of having a child with my first love felt beautiful. I accepted co-parenting and the idea that he would not build a family with meâanother compromise, one that contradicted the future he had described on our first date.
After my friendâs passing, I fell into deep grief đ and didnât contact him for months. When I finally healed, I realized I still couldnât forget my first love. I picked up a pen đď¸ and wrote him a letter, hoping to reconnectâeven if only as co-parents.
We resumed contact in October. He took me to Strasbourg for an event, and our time together at the hotel was beautiful. Our relationship remained sweet until early 2024. Then he began pointing out my flaws repeatedly. Some criticisms were validâI accepted them.
In May 2024, his emotional closeness with others and lack of boundaries hurt me again. I brought up breaking up once more, and the distance between us grew wider.
In August 2024, we traveled to Austria together to consult about IVF. He booked a hotel with an indoor swimming pool and wellness facilities. I loved swimming indoors đâhe taught me how to swim, and we shared intimate, tender moments. These are truly beautiful memories, even though we later had serious arguments.
Many of our conflicts in 2024 revolved around a Tiffany necklace. From my perspective, he had promised to give it to me for my birthday. Before that, he repeatedly raised my expectations, saying it would be a big surprise. I waited with great anticipation. When the necklace never came, my emotions collapsed. I proposed cutting contact again.
Later, during the Christmas and New Year holidays, I reflected deeply. I realized part of the problem was mineâI didnât manage my emotions well and placed too much importance on the necklace. In truth, I could easily buy it myself. What mattered was not the necklace, but whether he could keep his promise. If he could, I would have had complete confidence in our co-parenting plan.
His New Year reply was cold and emotionless. It pierced my heart. I believed our fate had ended. On the first working day of 2025, my eyes were swollen from crying. I was at my lowest point.
Yet fate was not finished with us. In April, we were together again. After deep reflection, I never mentioned the Tiffany necklace again. I didnât ask for gifts or comment on his age. I only wanted to walk steadily beside him for life and enjoy a simple existence. I finally understood that I am not materialistic at allâonly strong-willed, sometimes expressing myself poorly. My sister had seen this long ago: I appear lively and material on the surface, but inside I am introverted and not driven by material desires.
However, during several conversations, he repeatedly said, âWhat if we break up again?â He worried about potential losses from future trips to London and Paris. I was shocked đąâbecause I had never considered breaking up. I had no dissatisfaction, no demands for change, no expectations for additional effort.
A week before our planned Paris trip, on Chinese Valentineâs Day, he invited me to dinner. As we passed Wichtel, he suggested going inside. At that moment, my intuition felt an unexplainable sadness. And indeed, during dinner, we had another serious argument. He said he didnât know me well enough yet and that co-parenting would require more traveling together first.
That deeply hurt me. After three years together, how could he still say he didnât know me? It felt like a profound irony and devaluation. I lost emotional control and proposed breaking up again.
Afterward, I reflected endlessly. Yes, I desperately want a child and feel anxious about age. But he never communicatedâonly criticized my flaws and imperfections. At home, I truly tried to explore myself, believing that if I could find my own sensitivities, our problems might disappear.
Instead, he quickly found a new girlfriend. What frightened me most was that this relationship seemed riskyâtoo fast, with vastly different backgrounds and life experiences. I sincerely hope fate protects him, that this new relationship does not bring him illness or pain.
He is, in many ways, naĂŻveâsheltered, inexperienced, living comfortably. He should learn the world is full of traps and temptations, that one wrong step can lead to an abyss.
His immaturity and lack of responsibility caused me immense suffering over the past two months. My heart has been bleeding đŠ¸. From May last year to August this year, the emotional tug-of-war and intensity truly made me ill.
Now, I am slowly learning to accept everything and step out of his life. If fate is not finished, it will find its way back. The right person will eventually appear, and future relationships will evolve on a higher level. Through conflict and painful arguments, we see our truest selves. With reflection, we can learn to communicate more maturely. I believe in handwritten letters, in giving space and time, rather than letting emotions control us and cause harm.
If fate has truly ended, I sincerely wish him a life filled with love, happiness, and health.
At my lowest emotional point, I read a line from the film Mountains May Depart:
âEveryone can only walk a certain distance with you. We will eventually have to part ways.â
In that moment, I felt released.
True love is this: even after witnessing your most broken side, I still choose to love you.
True love is this: even when you turn away and leave, my loyalty remains unchanged.
I wrote this article after a period of time, shaped by an emotional journey through those days. It comes from lived emotional experiences. I truly want to write down these genuine feelingsâabout emotion and about time. We were once lost among mountains and rivers, so through this article, perhaps we can meet again in time.